


Life Is Worth Remembering

by Kateis_Cakeis



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Dream Smp, Gen, Ghost Wilbur Soot, Ghostbur, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Wilbur Soot-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27916042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kateis_Cakeis/pseuds/Kateis_Cakeis
Summary: Tommy was struggling in exile, Ghostbur knew that, but he never thought he would need Alivebur's memories to make everything okay again.
Comments: 125
Kudos: 865





	1. Remember, Remember

Ghostbur was sewing together something… a flag. For Logsted. But the more he looked at it, the more it resembled L’Manberg’s, with its colours. He shook his head, it was okay, he was only making a small version to keep Tommy warm.

After all, he’d been saying he was cold! Huddled up at their campfire! Always cold… He looked lonely, and Ghostbur’s multiple stacks of blue wasn’t helping him. Maybe he was too sad for the blue to help? Ghostbur frowned, he felt a tug at his dead heart.

No… He couldn’t be sad, _he’d forget_. After all, whenever people told him sad things, he simply forgot them…

All except for the exile. Tommy had explained gently and calmly, a rare thing for him, and Ghostbur had understood. His actions… consequences… that it was getting to him because unlike before he couldn’t go back into Dream SMP lands at all… couldn’t go home.

Ghostbur felt for him. He had been pretending too, letting Tommy believe he was alive, but Tommy… didn’t play along often.

He glanced over to Tommy, who was sitting just outside of the tent (not his own, just the one Ghostbur had built within the walls), knees hugged to his chest. The boy looked broken and _sad_ , his eyes closed as he slightly rocked back and forth. He was probably still cold. He only had a long sleeved top on after all.

“It’s… almost done!” Ghostbur announced with a smile.

Tommy hummed in reply.

Maybe Ghostbur was getting used to sadness now, being around Tommy. The last time he forgot about something was… when Tommy first got exiled. Since then… his memory had stayed a little steadier. He was a positive force around Tommy, trying to keep him happy. But it never worked how he wanted it to.

At first Ghostbur thought this vacation was a good thing, until the truth bit at him like the wind. Now it had been… too long since he’d seen Tommy as happy as he’d been when they went all silly over the logs.

That didn’t happen anymore, not really.

He finished up his stitching and spread the flag over his lap. It looked good, at least he hoped it did. It was mainly blue, with a red border and yellow corners, and a black tree in the centre. He smiled, this was their home now.

He stood, approaching Tommy slowly. “I made something for you.”

Tommy glanced up, opening his eyes. He tilted his head, but there was hardly any recognition or reaction.

With a sigh, Ghostbur placed the flag over Tommy’s shoulders. Smiling, he said, “To keep you warm.”

Tommy nodded jerkily. “T– Thanks, Ghostbur.”

Ghostbur grinned now, heading back over to the log by the campfire. “No problem, Tommy.”

Tommy stared at him for a long while, too long. He’d kept to himself the past few days, barely looking at Ghostbur anymore yet… here he was… staring. “Wilbur…”

Ghostbur cocked his head. “Yes?”

“I– I think I’m losing it, Wilbur.”

“Oh.”

Tommy stood up, the flag still on his shoulders, like it was determined to keep him warm… and safe. “I can’t stop _thinking_ about logs, I swear they’re talking to me all the time. Like they’re fairies or some shit.” He began pacing, up and down along the length of the campsite. “Wilbur, I need you.”

“I’m here!” Ghostbur said with joy.

“No. I mean…” Tommy stopped still. He turned to Ghostbur, his foot tapping off the ground, leg bouncing. “Alivebur is in there, right? Your memories have to be in there somewhere!”

Ghostbur flinched, he hated this. “I… I don’t know.”

Tommy wrapped the flag closer to his body, shaking his head. “Why can’t you remember…? I need you. Not your happy memories, _all_ of your memories. I need _you_! This isn’t you, Wilbur!”

“I… but I’m…” He sighed. “I’m Ghostbur, I’m not Wilbur.”

“Yes you are!”

Ghostbur jumped up from the log. “No!”

Tommy gritted his teeth, folding his arms, his leg was still bouncing. “Yes… you are, Ghostbur. No matter how much you want to forget, it’s… It’s just trauma. Like my trauma.”

Ghostbur glanced to the ground, rubbing at his arm. “Like how you can’t accept what I did?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“I… I could have a think, like last time.”

“What if we… will you… I just need _you_ , Wilbur. I need your wisdom, I need your… determination.”

Ghostbur narrowed his eyes, looking to Tommy. “He was determined and wise?”

Tommy breathed deeply, tilting his head from side to side. “Maybe not entirely wise, but wiser than me. He was… you are my _brother_ , that meant something to us once.”

“When we were younger…” Ghostbur whispered.

“Yeah. Back when Phil looked after us, and Techno would visit.”

Ghostbur closed his eyes, sitting back down, on the ground now, nearer the fire. “I want everything to be happy, Tommy. I don’t _want_ to remember.”

There was a shuffling noise, and suddenly a warm presence was beside him. Ghostbur opened his eyes to see Tommy sitting next to him, flag around his shoulders. He picked up a stick, poking at the fire, eyes set on the flames.

“I need you to remember,” he said. “Alivebur would know what to do.”

Ghostbur thinned his lips. “You really miss him?”

“I do.”

“And he’d help you?”

“He would, I think. Especially since L’Manberg isn’t ruled by someone he hates, or, well, I don’t know what Alivebur would think of the exile, he’d probably… Well, _he_ wouldn’t have exiled me.”

“No,” Ghostbur said with a smile. “You started L’Manberg with him. He wouldn’t have…”

“With L’Manberg in Tubbo’s hands, I guess safe hands, even though he exiled me… that means you wouldn’t go insane again… right?”

Ghostbur tilted his head at Tommy. “Alivebur went insane?”

Tommy shrugged. “Insane isn’t the right word… He needed help, and we were too busy planning the rebellion to… We should have helped you before it was too late.”

“It’s okay. I forgive you. Alivebur was bad anyway.”

“ _No_ , he wasn’t. Not… not before. He was good, _you_ were good. You just became paranoid, you didn’t trust anyone.”

“Even you?”

Tommy’s breath hitched for a moment, and he shook his head. “No. You still trusted me, we just had different… goals in mind. You wanted me to help you blow up L’Manberg so badly, you wanted me on your side for that.”

“But you cared about L’Manberg more?”

Tommy sighed. “You cared about it, you just didn’t want it to be in anyone else’s hands, so you blew it up to feel ‘ _comfortable and safe’_.”

Ghostbur nodded jerkily. He didn’t like hearing about how he blew up L’Manberg but… it was true… He knew it was true. “If Alivebur would help you, then I need his memories back… I just… I don’t know _how_.”

Tommy sniffled, wiping his eyes. “I’m going to tell you something, and it will either make you forget this entire conversation, or it will help you remember everything…”

Ghostbur nodded slowly. “Okay! Go ahead.”

“In the button room, you had scribbled the L’Manberg anthem on the walls, you had been in that room so many times, you _died_ in that room. I watched as Phil cut you down just because you asked him to. You remember your death, Will, because you were happy to die, _you wanted to die_. You committed suicide right in front of me.” Tommy curled into himself. “You needed help and dad just _killed you_. And I… I should have recognised you were spiralling sooner.”

“Oh…” Ghostbur murmured, his voice more normal than ever. “It’s not your fault, Tommy. I couldn’t be saved the second I came up with the TNT plan. It was always going to happen, and I was always going to hate myself for it, _I always wanted to die_. The second we got exiled was the second I couldn’t be happy again.”

“Will…” Tommy looked to him, eyes wide. “Wilbur?”

Wilbur grinned. “Hi, Tommy. It’s… been a while, hasn’t it?”

Tommy balked at him. “What did you do, _eat_ Ghostbur?”

Wilbur snorted. “You asked for these memories back. But I’m not how I was when I died, I promise. Death has taught me a lot.” He pulled some blue out of his… coat pocket… Oh. His old coat had appeared atop his yellow jumper… _Oh._ What did that mean?

Tommy was staring, mouth agape. “You’re wearing your old coat now… Wilbur, what does that _mean_?”

“I, I don’t know. Maybe because of the exile, maybe there’s still… some resentment in me?”

Tommy narrowed his eyes. “Maybe you’re lying to me?”

“No, no!” Wilbur looked to him, eyes pleading. “No, I’m not lying.” He held out his hand, offering the blue. “Would you like some blue?”

Tommy huffed a small laugh. “I see that hasn’t gone away now that you’re… yourself.” He took it from him, stuffing it into his pocket. Wilbur was sure he’d given him three stacks now in the last day.

“Ghostbur is me, Alivebur is me, who I was before, and who I was when I died, they’re all me. Never mind how I separated myself, or how you separate me.” He smiled. “I’m a new ghost now.”

“No, no, you’re just… Wilbur.” Tommy stared at him for a long moment, eyes searching. “You really remember?”

Wilbur stared up at the night sky, humming. “I think so.”

“Tell me something you didn’t know before.

“Uh…” Wilbur breathed in slowly, searching… Ah. “I remember the festival now. Techno… killing Tubbo. I couldn’t find the button, so I ran back to Pogtopia and made you and Techno fight in the pit I made.” He rubbed at his brow. “No wonder I repressed so much…”

Tommy sighed. “You really became someone else during that time.”

“I suppose so.” Wilbur turned slightly, eyes darting, checking Tommy over. “You may not be heading down my path, but you’re heading towards a death like mine.”

Tommy glanced away, eyes set on the ground. “W– What do you mean?”

“You’re… suicidal.”

“No– No I’m not.”

“When we’re in the Nether, you stare at the lava like it’s a long lost friend. I’ve seen you stand on the beach, feet in the water, wavering, like if you stepped in any further, you’d never come back out. I’ve watched and heard you goad Dream when he visits. Or how you go to the home portal just to stand there… I know what that means, Tommy, how it feels. I’ve _been_ there.”

Tommy shivered, shaking his head. “I just want the pain to stop, Wilbur…!” he wailed.

Wilbur’s dead eyes teared up, and he shuffled closer to Tommy, wrapping his arms around him. “Remember when we left home, just you and me against the world?”

“Yeah…”

“And I promised to look after you?”

Tommy exhaled deeply. “Yeah…”

“That’s never changing.” He hugged Tommy closer to his side. “I won’t let you do this to yourself. Okay?”

“Okay…” His voice sounded far too… lost for Wilbur to accept that.

“Tommy, _promise me_ you won’t do anything to yourself.”

Tommy chuckled lowly, shaking his head against Wilbur’s side. “I… can’t.”

Wilbur shed a tear, hanging his head. What could he do…? What _could_ he do? They were alone out here, he was a ghost, Tommy was far too lonely… They– They had to… There was only one person in the world that could save Tommy from…

But would he?

He had killed Wilbur on request, had assisted in his suicide. Sure, he gave in to peer pressure (that’s where Techno got it from) but…

He was still their guardian. The man who had raised them.

“We’re leaving Logsted, tomorrow,” Wilbur said.

Tommy shifted, pulling away from Wilbur. He furrowed his brow, holding the flag close to his chest. “Why…?”

“We’ll go to Techno, and he’ll get Phil. You’re ill, Tommy. I’m not letting you die next.” Wilbur gripped Tommy’s shoulder, staring him in the eyes. “I’m _not_ , okay? You _have_ to live.”

Tommy turned his head to the side, and if his hair were an inch longer, it would have fallen in his eyes. “Well, I mean, I don’t _have_ to.”

Wilbur shook him. “Shut up, yes you do.” He stood up. “In fact, I don’t trust you not to hurt yourself. We’re going now.”

“Wilbur… I’m tired,” Tommy whined, but it wasn’t his usual whine, it just sounded sad. This Tommy wasn’t the kid Wilbur knew, and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to go all out to make sure he was safe.

“No, Tommy. I promised to look after you, that’s what I’m doing.” He walked towards his house. “Pack the essentials. Techno will welcome us, trust me.”

“Sure he will,” Tommy mumbled, heading over to his tent, flag still around his shoulders.

Wilbur sighed… This was going to be a long road to recovery, but Tommy could do it, he was strong-willed still. He just needed his family around him, his true allies. Not Tubbo, or… Fundy, or Quackity, or even Ranboo for that matter. He needed Techno, and Phil. And they all needed a big sit down, to talk everything out.

Yeah… It was all going to be okay.


	2. Like Old Times

Wilbur was trying to shield Tommy as much as possible from the falling snow, ghostly arm wrapped around his shoulders. It wouldn’t do much, not with all the rips and tears in his clothes, but he hoped it would be enough for him.

The door swung open, and there stood Techno, in his new attire. He looked good in it. Techno’s eyes went soft as he looked to Tommy, and one glance at Wilbur seemed to give him the answer he needed. “Welcome home, Tommy.”

He stepped aside, and slowly, Tommy walked in. Wilbur stuck right by his side, watching Techno carefully. If he said anything out of turn, he would put him in his place. Techno may have been the eldest, but Wilbur always had the sharper tongue to keep everyone in line.

Wilbur put down a bed, patting it. “Sit here, Tommy. I’ll talk with Techno for you.”

Tommy sat on the bed, nodding gently, his eyes elsewhere.

With a sigh, Wilbur pulled Techno over to the corner. Techno’s eyes were full of fire, staring at Tommy like he hadn’t seen him in years. It had only been weeks, however, since Techno last visited, on that first day… Since then, so much had happened. Wilbur thought he was going to lose Tommy more than once, and as happy little Ghostbur, he had been _terrified,_ enough to lose some of those memories, until now.

“Wilbur, what happened to him?” Techno whispered.

“He, uh… Exile hasn’t been good to him. He needs help, and _you_ need to be his brother right now, Techno.” Wilbur rubbed at his arm, glancing to Tommy. “No more mocking him, not right now.”

Techno huffed. “Seriously?”

“Yes.”

Techno eyed Wilbur for a few moments. “What happened to Ghostbur?”

Wilbur chuckled softly, shaking his head. Oh… his brother knew him _too_ well. “Tommy needed me to remember, and… he told me something important. It brought my memories back, all of them. I remember what I did now, what you did…” He looked to Tommy, lips twisting, “what we’ve done to him.”

“Don’t blame his state on us, Wilbur. We did what we had to do.” Techno folded his arms. “Besides, Tommy got himself exiled.”

Wilbur gritted his teeth, leaning in close. “If we were kids right now, I would run to Phil and tell him the biggest lie just to get you put in the naughty room.” Instead, he pointed right between his eyes. “Don’t you _dare_.”

Techno narrowed his eyes, not even slightly threatened, sadly. “When did you get so protective over Tommy?”

“The second I got my memories back and realised his mental state. I can’t let him die like I did. I _can’t_.”

Techno’s eyes snapped to Tommy, a shaky exhale quickly followed. “No… Wilbur…” He glanced back, eyes wide. “He’s… suicidal?” he murmured, barely audible.

“Yes, of course he bloody is. He got exiled from the nation he loves – by Tubbo no less – for the second time, but this time… this time he’s exiled from _everywhere_. The only chance he has is others visiting him but…” Wilbur curled his arms around himself. “They came, at first, and then… they dropped off as Tommy became quiet and subdued, I think.”

Techno pushed his head into his hand, rubbing at his forehead. “Wilbur, I’m sorry. I–”

“It’s okay, you never cared for him anyway,” he interjected, voice icy.

“Wilbur–”

“Oh come on, Tech, you _enjoyed_ betraying him.” Wilbur knew he was goading Techno but… he knew he was right. “You _wanted_ him to die.”

Techno’s eyes went up in flames, so full of anger. “So did you, Wilbur!”

“I never wanted Tommy to die, just the nation! But that isn’t me anymore!”

“Yeah?! Well I’m retired so the guy who betrayed Tommy isn’t me anymore either!”

“Oh really?!”

“Really!”

Techno snarled and Wilbur breathed with nothing but anger, glaring like they were kids again, at each other’s throats because Wilbur stole something, or Techno beat him too hard while sparring. Wilbur had a vague fear that Phil was just around the corner, ready to throw them in the naughty room, but he never came, because that was years ago, and they were in Techno’s cabin in the snow.

Wilbur deflated first, now was not the time to argue. “I’m sorry, Techno.”

Techno’s shoulders slumped. “Yeah, me too.”

“This is about Tommy,” he whispered, glancing back to him. He was staring out the open window, compass held tightly in his hands. He had taken it from his Ender Chest as they’d set off. Tubbo was on his mind, of course. Leaving Logsted had likely reminded him of his true home… But it wasn’t time for that yet.

“He didn’t notice our argument…” Techno mumbled. “Exile has hit him that hard?”

“He zones out a lot, all the time actually. And not like before. I mean, he will sit in one position for hours. Tommy doesn’t know how to sit still… It, it hurts, Tech.”

“Will… I…” Techno closed his eyes. This… was hurting him. He didn’t like to admit they were all brothers often, but Wilbur knew this was cutting at him viciously. “We need Phil.”

“I know. I imagine you know where he is, can you get him?”

Techno sighed. “He’s in L’Manberg right now, keeping an eye on things.” He shook his head. “They’re after me, I can’t go.”

Wilbur tilted his head, eyes flicking between the ground and Techno. “I could go, but I don’t know if I trust you two together.”

“Look, I won’t hurt him, Will, if you’re worried about that.”

Wilbur rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m more worried what Tommy will do to you.”

“Oh, it’s fine, the worst he can do is make my ears bleed.”

He couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped his throat. “Yeah… Well…” He frowned. “I don’t think he’s that boy right now.”

Techno looked to him again, sighing. “No, maybe not.”

“So, we’re in agreement? You stay here, and I’ll go to L’Manberg?”

“Yeah.”

Wilbur gave a curt nod and slowly approached Tommy. He sat beside him, on the bed, gently placing his hand on his shoulder. “Tommy?” he said softly.

“You and Techno never knew how to whisper very well…”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Tommy shook his head, looking to Wilbur. “It’s okay. I didn’t hear much, mostly the shouting.” His lips twitched upwards, but it was no smile. “What happens now?”

“I’m… going to go to L’Manberg. And Techno will stay here and look after you. Is that alright?”

“Do you really have to leave?” Tommy’s eyes were so… sad and lost, and it broke Wilbur’s dead heart just a little more.

“Techno is wanted, otherwise he’d go. It’ll just be for a little bit, I promise I’ll be right back.”

Tommy held out his pinky. “Promise?” He let out a small laugh, but it was tinged with sadness. “I know it’s childish, but…”

Wilbur wrapped his pinky around Tommy’s. “It’s not childish.” He smiled, but he knew there was no joy to be had. “I _promise_.”

“Okay.” Tommy pulled his hand back, holding the compass in both hands now, staring at it. “Will you say hi to Tubbo for me?”

“If I see him, yes, of course.”

“Thanks, Wilbur.”

Wilbur reached out to ruffle Tommy’s hair, purely out of instinct, but hesitated and pulled back. No, he couldn’t do that now. Tommy was too fragile for that. He stood, glancing over to Techno, whose lips were thinned, eyes full of sympathy (something Wilbur hadn’t seen since they still all lived under one roof years ago).

“Wilbur, do you need anything for your journey?” Techno asked.

“Nah, I’m okay. I have everything I need.” He moved towards the door, glancing to Tommy once again. “I won’t be long.”

Tommy nodded, but his eyes were still set on the compass.

With a nod and a sigh, Wilbur left the cabin, heading out into the snow. He strode through the land, back towards the nether portal, just because it was faster. He had spent a little while cleaning up their path to the home portal too, simply because he didn’t want Tommy to trip and fall so easily.

Soon, he was standing in Dream SMP lands once again. He came often enough, but recently, he had stayed in Logsted more, for Tommy’s sake. He sprinted through the lands, he needed to get to Phil sooner rather than later. He didn’t want Tommy on his own with Techno for too long, anything could happen.

He slowed as L’Manberg came into view… It was so beautiful now, and he was a little surprised by how much work he had put into it as a ghost. He supposed that his greatest instinct was this nation. His unfinished symphony… Forever unfinished, even now. Because Tommy was exiled, because he was dead, because Tubbo… Oh, _Tubbo_. What a fool he had been to cast his friend aside like he was a threat to this nation.

Tommy had always been reckless, perhaps as far to say a liability, but kicking him out? That was more of a betrayal than anything Schlatt ever did.

The wind lapped at his coat as he strode past the Camarvan, a recreation of a time long gone, but with many inaccuracies. A funny metaphor for L’Manberg really, this place held none of the values that the original did. The only thing it retained was keeping one’s armour off, but even then that… It wasn’t for the same reasons. This was not a place of words, or love, or safety, it had lost all that.

Even now he knew he was right. There _was_ a special place once, but the thing he had built this place for… it had died with the election. A mistake on his part, but they were well past that now.

He walked along the wooden platforms with nothing but determination, this place… What it had done to him and Tommy… It would always be their _home_ , but it had not treated them well. It was a shame, to have lost all they had built. That he himself had blown it up for his own selfish reasons. L’Manberg had always been its people… not anymore.

He hopped up to Phil’s house, knocking on the door.

As he waited, he glanced around. He spotted Tubbo talking to Fundy by the crane. His once valued Secretary of State, and his son. The wounds cut deep still. What Tubbo had done to Tommy filled Wilbur with rage. And his unresolved issues with his son… One day, he would fix their relationship, but not today. It couldn’t be today.

Tommy’s life was at risk, that was more important.

The door opened, and there stood Phil, in clothes just like Techno’s. It reminded him of the old empire, his childhood home in the snow. Although, he was fairly sure Phil had his own base away from Techno, unlike back then.

“We need you,” Wilbur said, “Tommy needs you.”

Phil looked Wilbur up and down, and he folded his arms, eyes judgemental. Wilbur _hated_ that look. “Why is your coat back?”

Wilbur smiled slightly. “I have my memories back. Tommy told me about my suicide, and… I remembered everything.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t matter. Tommy made me remember because he’s on the edge of breaking.” Wilbur glanced in the direction of Techno’s base, of Logsted. “If we don’t help him now, he may not survive the week.”

“Will… what do you mean? Is he hurt, or is he…?”

“He wants to die, Phil. I don’t want him to follow me in that death.” He looked to Phil now, eyes pleading. “Tommy is at Techno’s cabin. Will you come with me? He needs his dad.”

Phil paced back into his house. “Let me grab a few things! I’ll be right out!”

“Okay!”

Wilbur rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, hands clasped behind his back. He was sure Phil wouldn’t take too long, after all, his son’s life was in danger, that had to count for something… right? Well, he killed Wilbur, maybe it didn’t count for anything. Then again, he did force his hand, shouting at him to kill, to murder him.

The memory echoed in his mind, but he shook it away, and pushed it to the back of his mind. He didn’t need to focus on that right now. Tommy was the only thing, the _only thing_ that mattered today.

“Wilbur…?”

He turned to see Tubbo standing there, on the steps to Phil’s house. Fundy was standing slightly behind him, eyes tracking Wilbur’s coat. Shocked expressions lay on their faces. It was the coat. They were used to seeing him around here, he came often enough, but the coat meant something to everyone. None of it good.

“Hi, Tubbo. Hi, Fundy.” Wilbur gestured to Tubbo, smiling slightly. “Tommy asked me to say hi, he… uh… misses you still.” He huffed. “God knows why, you kicked him out of the home _he made_.” He stepped closer, eyes flaring. “You really thought _exiling_ your best friend was a good idea for the _nation_? All it did was further prove that L’Manberg is _gone_ and that you know no loyalty, you never did. I knew not to trust you, and while that was my paranoia speaking, I was _right_. Now Tommy… is hurt and lost, and not himself.” He poked Tubbo in the chest, _firmly_. “All because of you. I hope you’re happy.”

“Tommy is… not himself?” Tubbo asked quietly.

Wilbur rolled his eyes, stepping past Tubbo to get a good look at Fundy. “You’re looking good, son.”

“Will… is it really you?” Fundy said, his voice hopeful but confused, eyes full of pain.

Wilbur grinned. “I have my memories back, it’s me.”

Fundy nodded slowly. “So you remember _everything_?”

“Yeah.”

“Why… why did you leave me?”

Wilbur frowned, eyes downcast. “I wanted to die, Fundy… I didn’t want to leave you but… everything hurt.”

Fundy swallowed thickly, jaw slightly clenched, like he was biting back tears. “I… didn’t realise.”

“It’s okay. One day we can sit down and talk, and we’ll work things out, okay?”

Fundy nodded slightly, glancing away. “Okay.” He breathed in deeply, eyes flicking to Wilbur. “Is Tommy alright?”

“He isn’t well.”

“Isn’t well…? You mean… he’s ill?”

Wilbur thinned his lips. “In a way, yes.”

“Oh.” Fundy curled his arms around himself. “Then why are you here?”

Wilbur turned to see Phil closing the door behind him. “To get his dad. He needs his family right now.” He looked back to Fundy. “I– I– I’m proud of you, you know?”

His lips twitched upwards. “I… I, yeah.”

“Good. Be well, Fundy.”

“I will be, as long as we can have that talk.”

Wilbur’s dead heart soared, maybe Fundy could one day forgive him. There was hope. “We will, I promise.”

Phil appeared at Wilbur’s side, placing his hand at the back of his shoulder. “Ready to go?”

Wilbur smiled sadly. “Yeah, let’s go.”

As they were walking away, Wilbur heard Tubbo ask Fundy what was going on, to which Fundy sighed and said that Tommy likely wanted to die. Wilbur tried to block out Tubbo’s gasp, and the whimper that followed, but he heard it, nonetheless. Phil seemed to flinch slightly, as he had clearly heard as well, but they continued walking, never looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's definitely going to be a third chapter, I'm writing it right now! So definitely look out for that :)


	3. One Step Closer

Phil knocked on Techno’s door while Wilbur stood behind him, watching the snowflakes fall from the sky. He was glad for the freezing weather, it made him able to believe _that_ was the reason why he was so cold.

Techno whipped the door open, sighing with relief. “Oh, thank god you’re here, Phil. Tommy found my netherite axe.”

Wilbur’s eyes went wide. “Did he try to kill you with it?”

“No, no… He…” Techno closed his eyes briefly. “It’s okay, I managed to get it off him in time.”

“Fuck…” Phil whispered, pushing past Techno to get into the cabin. Wilbur quickly followed, and Techno closed the door behind them.

There on the bed was Tommy, hair more rustled than before, a bruise on his right wrist – probably from Techno trying to take the axe off him – but no injuries, thank god. He seemed to be asleep, but Phil rushed over to him, nevertheless, sitting on the edge of the bed. He brushed Tommy’s hair out of his eyes, and settled his hand on his forehead.

A tear rolled down his cheek.

Wilbur’s dead heart pulsed with pain, and he sighed, glancing to Techno, who was beside him. Techno shook his head, sighing out. They were all hurting, _so much_. They were a strong set of people, a strong _family_. And yet… here they were, broken into separate pieces.

“I thought he was going to do it, Will, I really thought…” Techno whispered, trailing off.

Wilbur curled an arm around Techno’s shoulders. “I’m sorry you were alone for that. He’s never _attempted_ not from what I’ve seen, so this is… a shock.”

“He needs our help more than I realised. God, I shouldn’t have been so harsh on him for the exile, I…”

“Tech, don’t blame yourself. He’s in this situation for many reasons, and all of them lead back to Dream in one way or another.” Wilbur sighed, glancing to the ground. “Not that it’s all on him either, these things happen. I mean, who knows, maybe problems run in our line.”

“Easily triggered by stress…” Techno stated. “We’ve had our fair share, it has to be said.”

“Heh, yeah. We have.”

Phil looked up from Tommy, glancing to the both of them. “What do we do, boys?”

“I say we help him, get him new clothes, get him well fed, and be a family for him,” Wilbur said, a sternness leaking into his voice. “Otherwise, we might lose him to himself. I don’t want to imagine what his ghost would be like in that case.”

“If he becomes a ghost at all,” Techno whispered. “Schlatt never came back.”

Wilbur elbowed him. “Don’t say that. He’d come back.” He clenched his fists. “Besides, he’s not dying.”

Phil rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. “I… _fuck_. I didn’t know it was this bad.” When he looked up, his eyes were full of tears, despite the rubbing. “Will… how did it get this bad?”

Wilbur frowned. “I don’t know. The blue didn’t help him, and Dream kept coming to taunt him, kept making him burn his armour. And… people stopped visiting. You never visited, Techno just mocked him, and I didn’t remember anything. I thought it was all happy!” Wilbur dragged his palm down his face. “Until I remembered… Then I knew why Ghostbur thought it was happy. Because Tommy was alive still, and that was good, as long as he was alive. But…” He glanced to Techno, “he’s at risk, nothing is happy.”

Techno folded his arms. “He really did try earlier. I let him look in my chests, and he stared in one for a long time. When I asked him what was wrong, he pulled out the axe and held it to his throat. It didn’t look like he was going to do anything, I think he just wanted to feel closer to death but I… I got it off him before I could find out.”

Phil let out a shaky breath, hand half covering his mouth. He was staring at Techno, tears running down his face. “I…” He stood up, slowly approaching Wilbur and Techno. “Techno, do you have more clothes in the basement?”

“I do, but I’ll have to fix them up.”

“Okay, good, do that. Wilbur, help him.” Phil glanced back to Tommy. “I’m going to make some rabbit stew. I think he needs it right now.”

“Alright.” Wilbur grabbed Techno’s arm. “Let’s go.”

Techno led Wilbur down into the basement, and he shifted through his chests, pulling a pair of white trousers out, a blue tunic, and a shoulder cloak. They had a few holes in, a few tears, but they’d fit Tommy well enough, he hadn’t grown too much more. Wilbur peeked into another chest, grinning wildly.

“Ah! Here they are!” He pulled out some black boots, waving them at Techno. He was surprised he and Phil had kept all this stuff.

Techno tilted his head. “Aren’t those Tommy’s new– old boots?”

Wilbur grinned. “Yes! From just before we left!”

“I really wish you hadn’t left.”

“Oh… why?”

Techno sighed as he placed down a chair and pulled a sewing kit from a chest next to Hubert. “Because you wouldn’t dead.”

Wilbur’s shoulders slumped, and the boots became loose in his grip. “I’m sorry… It’s all a bit messed up, isn’t it?”

“What because Phil killed you, and Tommy wants to die, and I’m retired, and Phil only ever looks after you and Tommy when it’s already too late?” Techno frowned, shaking his head. “We’re supposed to be family.”

Wilbur chuckled softly. “Says the guy who likes to pretend we’re not.” He shrugged, sitting on the floor in front of Techno. He held out his hand, and Techno passed over a needle, some thread, and the trousers. “Phil lets us do our own thing, he only steps in when we’re not true to ourselves.”

“He’s always too _late_. I don’t hate him for it but, you wouldn’t be dead if he’d _been_ here.”

“Ohh…” Wilbur gave a good chuckle now, his eyes lighting up, “I would be. Do you really think dad would have stopped me?”

Techno stared blankly at him, lips curling. “Yes, because he’d trap you until you stopped betraying your morals.”

Wilbur laughed again, sticking the thread through the needle. “Tech, the second I got exiled from my home, I didn’t want to be alive anymore.” He began repairing the frayed hems. Spending so much time in a chest hadn’t done them too much good. “ _I’m a long slow burning fuse_ ,” he sing-songed with a smile.

Techno kicked him in the shin, and when Wilbur glanced to him, nothing but a great pain lay in his eyes, which directly contrasted his snarl. He was… angry, at a lot, always had been. He focused that energy onto other things, however. On tearing down governments, or taking over the world in the old days, or just murdering people. But hearing his _dead_ brother talk so lightly about his mental state before he died was… probably not the best thing for him.

“I’m sorry,” Wilbur said, glancing down at his work.

“You should be. I hate that I let you do all that. You’re my little brother, Will, I should have…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, huffing. “I wish you were alive.”

“I’m still here,” Wilbur all but whispered. “I’ll always be here.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

They continued stitching up the holes and tiding up the clothes as best they could. It was a nice outfit, one that had taken Phil hours to complete years ago. So much had happened since those simple days of the now dissolved empire, in a place long gone. This place they now called home was… better in some ways.

But if he had not struck out on his own with Tommy, if they had not created a drug van, if they hadn’t made a nation because of Sapnap hounding them then… Well, he’d still be alive, Tommy wouldn’t have been exiled…

Yet, they were here, all that _had_ happened. Wilbur didn’t regret it, per se, but it would have been nice to be alive, to feel true warmth. The fact he was still here, able to see his family was a blessing…

He supposed being alive didn’t matter as long as he had that.

“Should we give Tommy some gold? Do you have gold?” Wilbur asked, twisting his lips as he concentrated on a difficult stitch.

“Are you kidding? Of course I have gold.”

“Then we should place a block by his bed.”

Techno hummed, and Wilbur glanced to him, watching his piglin ears prick back. “I think he’d like that.”

“Yeah, he would.” He laid the trousers out in front of him, inspecting his work. Only one hole was left now, and once that was fixed up, the trousers would look as good as new. He frowned as he got to work, dwelling on... “Hey, Tech?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever wonder why Tommy and I inherited more human traits than you?”

Techno laughed, a hearty chuckle. Wilbur looked him in the eyes, and there was nothing but amusement there. “I like to think it’s because I’m older, so I got the better genetics.”

Wilbur pouted, kicking at Techno’s boot. “You _don’t_ have the better genetics.”

“Yes I do.” He began counting on his fingers as he listed out, “I’m naturally better at fighting, I have the better ears and hearing, oh, and my tusks.” He smiled, deliberately trying to show off his tusks more.

Wilbur frowned, eyes focused on his work. “I had tusks.”

“You’ll never see them again since you died with them cut down.”

“I wanted to be more human, like Tommy.”

Techno shook his head. “Tommy is still half-piglin.”

“Yeah but he has human ears, no tusks, his hearing is normal, and we’re still fairly sure he doesn’t have the enhanced sight for the Nether. While I have the enhanced sight, had the tusks, and you have everything that comes with being half-piglin.”

Techno shrugged as he set the tunic aside and shook the shoulder cloak out. “Hm, I suppose. Why did you want to be more human?”

“I don’t know… To fit in more? I suppose Fundy is proof of my lineage, however.”

“Ah, yes, your fox son.” Techno folded up the cloak and tunic, placing them both on his lap. Seemed like he’d finished up his work, perhaps the cloak had nothing wrong with it. “How is he?”

Wilbur finished up his stitch and shrugged. “Alright, I guess. I saw him when I got Phil, he wants to have a talk.”

“Is that good?”

“Yeah, we both need closure.” Wilbur looked Techno in the eye. “I need to apologise to him.”

Techno hummed and stood, cradling the clothes in his arms. “Are you done?”

“Yeah.” Wilbur stood up as well, grabbing the boots while looping the trousers over his arm.

They headed back upstairs, and Techno closed the basement off behind him. Phil had opened up the fireplace for use as a stove, cooking away, the fur from the rabbits laying on the floor beside his feet. Wilbur popped down a fence and a half slab, placing Tommy’s trousers on top. Techno carefully put down the tunic and cloak as well, and Wilbur left the boots beside it.

“The gold?” Wilbur asked as he opened a window to let some air in, Phil’s stove was really heating the place up. Not that he’d… know… since he was always cold but… he knew? Perhaps it was a force of habit, from when they all used to live under one roof. During dinner, Wilbur always opened a window because Techno and Tommy would get too hot.

Techno opened up his ender chest, pulling out a gold block, as well as an ingot. As he put down the block, Wilbur took the ingot from his hands, placing an item frame on top of the gold block. Carefully, he slotted the ingot in, twisting it around to face Tommy.

“There,” Techno said with a slight smile.

Wilbur grinned. “He’ll try to give you what little valuables he has.”

Techno huffed, folding his arms. “If he does, I’ll tie his things to him.”

Wilbur barked a laugh, shaking his head. “Remember when we were kids, and Tommy would tie his plushies to his chest?”

Phil tossed a look over his shoulder, a soft hum on his lips. “You two teased him endlessly for it, but he didn’t want Wilbur stealing his toys.”

Wilbur folded his arms, rolling his eyes. “He shouldn’t have made them so easy to steal.”

“He was a little kid.”

“Still.”

Techno smiled. “And we wonder where Tommy gets all his scamming traits from.”

Wilbur pushed at his shoulder. “Shut up, I didn’t teach him _anything_.”

“No,” Phil agreed. “Because he _watched you_.”

“I can’t be blamed for that.”

“Yeah you can,” Techno said with a grin. “He got that _all_ from you.”

“Definitely wasn’t me,” Phil chimed in.

Wilbur huffed placing a chair by Tommy’s bed, flopping onto it. “Okay, _blood gods_. Maybe Tommy and I are just built different.”

Techno moved towards Phil, peeking over his shoulder. “Oh yeah, you definitely got more piglin in terms of hoarding any pretty thing you find than the human language of violence.” He turned, leaning back against his chests, staring Wilbur in the eye. “I still wonder where you stole my crown from.”

Wilbur tapped his nose, raising his eyebrows, a smirk springing to his lips.

Techno rolled his eyes. “Ugh, fuck you.”

“Ooo, pulling out the big _F_ , what would your voices say?” Wilbur grinned and Techno huffed, pushing off his chests. It was only then that Wilbur shrunk down in his chair, shaking his head. “No, please, I’m young and innocent!”

“You’re a ghost,” Techno deadpanned, before frowning. “That… wasn’t as funny as it was in my head.”

“Boys, please, some quiet,” Phil chimed in. “Tommy is trying to sleep.”

Wilbur looked to him, tilting his head. “It’s the first sleep he’s gotten in a long while.”

“How long?” Phil asked in a whisper.

“Weeks, Phil, it’s been _weeks_.”

Phil stopped stirring the pot. He looked to Wilbur with wide teary eyes, and… God, it was so sad, it… To see his dad like this, to have Tommy be like this. “I… I should have visited, I should have done more, I should have taken him into my arms and sung to him until he fell asleep. I thought he was okay, Will, I thought he could survive this. I thought he had more fire in him…”

“His fire fizzled out slowly, but steadily, all because of–” Wilbur scoffed, eyes filling as he snarled. “ _Dream_. He did this, it’s all on _him_. At every opportunity he manipulated Tommy, made him believe no one cared, that _he_ was Tommy’s only friend.” He clenched his fists, wanting more than ever to scream at the world. “ _Fuck_ that. Fuck him. All of this has happened because of that _green boy_.”

Suddenly, there was a heavy weight on his shoulder, and Techno was beside him, shaking his head softly. Wilbur slumped back, all anger draining him. He closed his eyes, grimacing in pain. The blame could go all around, Wilbur could be blamed for getting himself killed, for going off the rails, Techno could be blamed for the withers and the festival fiasco, Phil could be blamed for not being around enough, but ultimately, all of it fell back on Dream, the man who went after them in the first place.

No nation mattered now, because Dream had whittled Tommy down until he was nothing but the sticks he dual wielded.

Wilbur moved from the chair to Tommy’s bed, letting Techno’s hand slip from his shoulder. He reached out gently, placing his hand over Tommy’s heart. It beat ferociously, he still had all the life in him, he just needed to… recover, he needed to be a child again. For too long he had been _fighting_. Now was the time for him to put down his sword and rest.

If Wilbur could have it his way, he’d see that Tommy rested until he reached adulthood.

With a strangled cry, he placed his forehead on Tommy’s stomach, wishing for him to be okay, _he’d be okay_.

“Wilby?”

Wilbur shot up, and there was Tommy, eyes barely open, struggling to sit up. Wilbur put his hand on his shoulder, shaking his head, and Tommy stopped his attempt to move. Instead, he closed his eyes again.

“I didn’t mean to call you Wilby…” he whispered.

Wilbur ruffled his hair gently. “I know, but it’s okay, you can call me that.” He smiled sadly. “Get some more rest, dinner will be ready soon.”

“Okay…”

Once he was sure Tommy had gone back to sleep, he stood. Techno was at his side again, offering a small bit of comfort as he gripped his shoulder, but it wasn’t enough. Again, he deflated, his shoulders slumping.

“I need some air,” he said.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Phil said, glancing to him. “Don’t be too long.”

Wilbur nodded. “I won’t be.”

He headed outside, slipping his hands into his coat pockets. This was too much, especially for his fragile mental health. He had been on this road, and had gotten to its end, the sinkhole that cut the path in two. An unexpected end, an end that wasn’t supposed to happen, but did so anyway. That was what… getting little to no help did, it ended things long before they were supposed to.

The snow fell down upon him, the gentle flakes were more like a blizzard now. It didn’t hurt, it wasn’t what was making him cold, but he could feel the part of him that was once alive shiver and retreat further into his coat.

He walked and kept walking, just wandering, letting his feet go wherever they wanted. He was a bit… Tommy was his little brother and had been his responsibility for a _long_ time. He had looked after him, had helped raise him, and had even _named_ him. When he was born, Phil struggled for a name, and Wilbur had suggested ‘Tommy’ because it was the only name he knew at the time, other than Phil and Techno.

And so Tommy was the name chosen.

Wilbur kicked at the ground only to find… grass. Wait… He finally took in his surroundings, withdrawing from his own head, only to find… _Logsted_. This new place, the place where Tommy almost lost himself completely. With the campsite, and the tents, and the beach, the path, the portal, the tree, the torches…

Fuck… this place.

It could have been good once, if this had been Pogtopia, but because of the first exile, because of the rebellion, because of Dream and Tubbo… It could never be a place of happiness, only pain and loneliness. Everyone off somewhere else living their lives, leaving Tommy gifts but never truly helping him… never countering Dream.

With a snarl, Wilbur withdrew his axe, heading right up to the campsite. He tore down the sign and took it to the portal, leaving a message in front of it. _‘Dream. Fuck you for messing with my brother’s head_. _Your time will come, I promise you that_.’

“Is that supposed to be threatening?”

Wilbur tossed his head to one side, closing his eyes and sighing out. “Dream.” He turned to see him sitting atop the portal. Always the dramatic.

“This isn’t a very Ghostbur thing to do,” Dream pointed out.

Wilbur lifted his chin, staring Dream down. “Take one look at me, Dream. Is Ghostbur here?”

“Where’s Tommy? I was looking for him everywhere, but I couldn’t find him.” A smile peeked out from under his mask. “I was _worried_.”

“He’s safe. That’s all you need to know.”

“No, I need to know _where_ he is.”

“What? So you can continue to manipulate him, to lie to him, to break his spirit until he only trusts _you_?” Wilbur placed his axe down on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Dream, but Tommy has the ol’ Philza genes, he’s not so easily taken in.”

Dream hopped off the portal, landing right in front of Wilbur. “Oh _really_? Because my manipulation has been going to plan.”

Wilbur got up in Dream’s face, leaning down to make vague eye contact with his mask. “Tommy is my _brother_ , if you don’t think I won’t bring the wrath of everybody in these lands down on top of you, you’re mistaken.”

“Tubbo would never go against me. Your tongue may be a dangerous thing, Wilbur, but you’ve lost your influence.”

Wilbur laughed. “I don’t need many to take you down, Dream. I certainly don’t need _Tubbo’s_ permission.”

Dream stroked his chin. “Still, you’re outnumbered, you and Tommy. Wherever you’ve taken him, it doesn’t matter, I’ve worked on him enough.” He stepped back, towards the portal. “I’ve got other plans, Tommy was just one of them. I’m sure I’ll see you soon, Wilbur.”

Wilbur gripped his axe tighter, this man would _die_ one day. “Oh, certainly.”

Dream placed down one TNT and stepped into the portal, lighting it up. Once he was gone, the TNT blew up and shattered the portal, leaving particles of purple all over the ground. Clearly, Dream wasn’t planning on coming back any time soon. That was… a blessing. For good measure, Wilbur mined the obsidian that made up the portal and stashed it in one of the barrels inside the campsite.

Dream had been manipulating Tommy for a long time, even if he recovered, convincing him that Dream was never on his side, was never his friend, would be a difficult task. Manipulation was an awful beast, and because of Ghostbur… Well, him being a ghost with half his memories hadn’t helped.

Wilbur skimmed his hand over the barrel with all the blue inside… It had never helped anyone, it had been a coping mechanism if anything. With a sigh, he pulled away, glancing around Logsted. It was nice while it lasted. His eyes landed on the to do list and his heart tightened… Oh… his poor brother…

What a lost soul.

Wilbur trudged on back to Techno’s base, axe clutched in his hand. Just in case Dream magically appeared out of nowhere, or was following him. He couldn’t lead him back to Tommy, he had to keep him safe from that _monster_. So he kept alert, glancing all around every few seconds but… there was no Dream in sight, and as he came up to the cabin, it seemed he was in the clear.

He pushed the door open and let the axe drop from his hand, he couldn’t be bothered to put it away. He closed the door and let out a breath.

“Wilbur…?” Phil’s gentle voice called out. “Are you okay?”

“I saw Dream.” He pressed his head up against the door. “He said he’d worked on Tommy enough, _enough_. God, Phil, what does that _mean_? Will Tommy even listen to us?”

“I… I don’t know, son.” Phil placed his hand at Wilbur’s shoulder, pulling him away from the door. “Come on, put your axe away and sit down, I was just about serve dinner.”

Wilbur sighed out, picking up his axe, slotting it into his inventory. “Okay.”

He sat in the chair he’d placed before, eyes set on Tommy, on the rise and fall of his chest. Techno was in the corner, writing in a book, a journal perhaps? Phil was pouring the stew into bowls, wincing a little at the heat, and for a second, _a second_ , Wilbur could pretend this was years ago. It felt so homely, it was so much like _home_. And yet… and yet all that had happened….

They were far from the people they had been then.

“Hey…” Wilbur whispered, reaching over to shake Tommy’s shoulder. “Dinner is ready.”

Tommy groaned, eyes fluttering open. He glanced around for a second before closing his eyes again. “I’m tired…”

“Come on, you need to eat.”

His eyes opened again, and this time he pushed himself up with his weak arms, leaning back against the wall. Phil whisked over, carefully handing over the bowl. Tommy took it into his hands, frowning at it. He placed it on his lap and picked up the spoon, stirring at it but making no attempt to eat. Wilbur kept his eyes on him, watching carefully. Anything could be a threat to him if he tried hard enough, and he didn’t…

He just didn’t…

“Will, do you want a bowl?” Phil asked.

Wilbur shook his head. “No, I’m not hungry.”

“Neither am I,” Tommy mumbled.

Wilbur clenched his jaw slightly, leaning forward. “Tommy. Eat.”

Tommy glanced to him, eyes so devoid of blue. “Why?”

“Because you need it to recover, you’ll feel _better_.”

Tommy poked at the meat, shaking his head. “No I won’t.”

There was a part of Wilbur that wanted to scream, to shout, to call Tommy out, but he _couldn’t_ , because he was sure one more push… one more push would do it. One wrong word, one gift that seemed too much like pity, one inclination that maybe they weren’t there for him – when they were – and Tommy would just be…

Gone.

He couldn’t stomach the thought, it made his dead heart constrict and pulse with pain.

“Yes, Tommy,” Wilbur said, with a sterner tone than Phil had ever used when they were kids. “A promise is a promise. _Eat_.”

Tommy’s eyes drifted from his food, till they landed on the gold block. He reached out slowly, smoothing his hand across it. He traced his fingertips over the ingot in the frame, a small twitch to his lips. Carefully, he lifted it from the frame, and cradled it in his hands.

“Will…?” Tommy whispered, his eyes darted to Techno, “Tech…? For… for me?”

Techno smiled gently. “It’s not like I need it. We thought it’d cheer you up.”

Tommy reached into his trouser pocket, but when Wilbur shook his head, he stopped, eyes wide. “R– Really? But…” He stared at Wilbur with alarm. “But it’s in our culture.”

Wilbur put his hand on his chest, then gestured towards Tommy. “Our gift to you. Take it, please.”

Tommy nodded hurriedly, quickly putting the ingot back in the frame. “Of course, of course.” He turned to his stew now, poking at it bit more. “I can really eat this?”

“Yeah, you can,” Wilbur whispered with a smile.

Phil sighed out with relief, wiping his eyes, and Techno grinned with a softness Wilbur hadn’t seen for a long, long time, as Tommy filled his spoon full of stew, shoving it into his mouth. Wilbur relaxed back in his chair, that was _one_ victory. One. One step, one step closer.

He made eye contact with Phil, knowing his own were half empty, but Phil nodded to him, a sad smile creeping onto his lips. They both knew, they had both been guardians to Tommy, Phil as his dad, Wilbur as his older brother who had raised him for a good while there. This was a _good_ moment. A hopeful one. There was _hope_! That meant the world!

“Hey, Tommy,” Techno said.

“Y– Yeah?” Tommy said, eyes full of… fear? Oh… perhaps because of the axe incident.

Techno gestured to the table with the clothes on top. “Wilbur and I picked out some clothes for you, had to fix them up, but they’ll be better than your current outfit.”

Tommy glanced down at himself, grimacing. He looked towards the table, tilting his head. “Aren’t those… _my_ clothes?”

“Yep!” Wilbur said. “From just before we left, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember…”

“We had to stitch them up,” Techno said. “Spent a little too long in a chest, but it…” He thinned his lips, eyes set on the clothes, “it reminded me that we were a good family once, and we can be again.” He glanced to Tommy. “We’re going to look after you, all of us.”

Tommy stared at Techno for a long while. “But… you hate me.”

Techno shook his head. “Not true.”

“But you killed Tubbo, and you… you destroyed L’Manberg.”

Wilbur half raised his hand. “ _I_ destroyed L’Manberg.”

“No…” Techno scratched at his ear. “No, uh, I set off a lot more TNT, and the withers did a lot of damage.”

“Oh.” Wilbur traced his fingers over his lips. “Oh, then I guess we both destroyed it.”

Tommy groaned, almost sounding like his old self. “ _Stop_ it. Please… I…” He pointed at the both of them harshly. “If it wasn’t for you two, L’Manberg would be _fine_. Tubbo wouldn’t be president, I wouldn’t be exiled, and I’d… I’d be _happy_.”

Wilbur shrunk into his chair, frowning. “If we’re going to play the blame game… then it’s my fault, for creating L’Manberg in the first place.”

Tommy’s eyes snapped to him, a pain and anger boiling beneath his skin. “No. I’m glad you did.”

Wilbur waved dismissively. “We could have moved on, taken the Camarvan somewhere else. Away from Sapnap, from Dream… Why did we create a _nation_?”

“Because…” Tommy went quiet, his voice barely above a whisper, “Because you wanted to make Phil proud, Will.”

He covered his eyes, breathing out deeply through his nose. “Ahh, I did, I did.”

“Fuck,” came Phil’s loud voice. All three of them looked to him, where he was standing in the corner of the room, with his empty bowl in hand. “I really messed you all up. Where did I go wrong?”

At once they all spoke, Wilbur, Tommy, Techno, all _at_ _once_ :

“I don’t think me wanting to blow up my nation was your fault.”

“I got exiled myself, just a _stupid_ mistake.”

“Genetics?”

Everyone looked to Techno, judging him. Well, Wilbur was. Phil looked like he was about to murder Techno, and Tommy just looked done in general, so there was nothing new there. But in a funny way, it screamed family banter, and maybe that was alright.

Techno chuckled heartily. “We’re messed up because that’s who we are.”

Tommy laughed in a depressed tone. “I mean…” He kept laughing, but it was just _sad_ sounding, “you’re not wrong.”

Phil shrugged. “You’re hopeless, Techno.”

Techno parroted his shrug mockingly, with a wide grin. “Well, Phil, where do I get it from?”

With a roll of his eyes, Phil moved towards the stove, placing his bowl at the side as he began to clean up. Techno stood as well, piling his bowl on top of Phil’s, glancing into the pot. Wilbur was willing to bet there was loads left, and with all the snow here, Techno could freeze it for later.

Tommy finished up his bowl, smiling a little.

Wilbur was proud of him for being able to eat it all. And he’d be all the warmer for it too. Carefully, he took it off Tommy, stacking it along with the other bowls. As Techno and Phil fussed over the pot, a small argument breaking out between them before they decided to take it to the basement, Wilbur sat by Tommy, patting his legs.

“How are you feeling?” he asked quietly.

Tommy glanced all around, lips twitching, there was a sadness in his eyes, but hope in his expression. “I… Thanks for bringing me here, Will. I needed this.”

“I know you did.” He reached over, ruffling his hair. Tommy whined, and immediately tried to fix it, which the first time he had done anything _good_ with his hair in _weeks_. “We’re going to look after you, you know? We’re going to make you _better_.”

“I… I know.” Tommy curled his arms around himself, an air of nervousness sprang to him. “What… will Dream think, of me being here?”

“Dream doesn’t know, and he won’t know. I’m keeping that man as far away as possible from you.”

“But… he visited me and was my f–”

Wilbur hushed him with a raised hand and a stern look. “If you dare to call him a friend, I’ll tell Phil…” He lowered his voice to a whisper, “about that time you stole his favourite shield.”

“No…” Tommy whispered back, eyes tracking Phil and Techno as they carried the pot outside.

“We’re off to make stairs into the basement!” Phil called as he closed the door.

Tommy turned on Wilbur, expression fierce. “If you tell him that then I’ll tell him you taught me how to steal.”

Wilbur gasped, eyebrows raised. “You _wouldn’t_.”

“I would.”

He smiled, relaxing back. “Seems we’re at an impasse. Guess you’ll just have to not call Dream a friend.”

Tommy bit at his lip, nodding quickly. “I won’t, I won’t. He… he…”

“It’s okay,” Wilbur cut in. “The manipulation has been hard on you, I’m not forcing you to break it all now, it’s a long process. I’m just… I can’t hear you call him a friend.”

“Because he…” Tommy picked at the covers. “Because he wasn’t my friend, he was just there to break me for his own purposes.”

“Yeah, yeah, he was.”

With a sigh, Tommy lay back. “I want to sleep now.”

Wilbur reached out, placing his hand on Tommy’s forehead, brushing the hair out of his eyes. “Rest well.”

Tommy smiled slightly as he closed his eyes. Wilbur stayed seated until he was sure Tommy had drifted off. Hopefully, his dreams would treat him well. He didn’t need any nightmares right now, nothing to scare him. He needed all the damn happiness he could get.

Wilbur clenched his jaw, biting back the tears his dead eyes were filling with. Even as a ghost he was haunted by being oh so very half human. He headed into the downstairs chest room, leaning back against the wall with the Pogtopia poster hung up on it.

He sunk to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest, burying his head in them. He let out a soft cry. Tommy was going to be okay, eventually. There was so much hope. It was just the first day, well night really. There would be plenty of days and weeks to recover, it would be _okay_.

“Will?” Phil murmured gently, after a long while. “I didn’t know where you were, I was worried.”

Wilbur glanced to him, smiling sadly. “I’m okay.”

Phil sat down next to him. “Are you? This is hitting you hard.”

“He’s my brother.”

“He is, but you’ve been looking after him for a long time, seeing him like this…” Phil gripped his shoulder. “I know how it hurts me, so I can guess how it’s hurting you.”

“He’s…” Wilbur let his tears run fiercely. “He’s been under my care for so long, Phil… and I just _died_. A lot of this is on _me_.” He scratched at his temple. “If I had just accepted the presidency.” He buried his head in his knees again. “Fucking Chekhov’s Gun.”

Phil rubbed at his shoulder now, sighing. “That’s in the past now, Will. All you have to do is be there for him, we all do. Okay?”

Wilbur nodded.

“Would you like me to leave you alone?”

He nodded again.

Phil stood, and soon his warmth was gone, and Wilbur was cold again. Just a cold ghost, trying everything to keep his little brother alive. This was… _fine_. He simply needed to get all his emotions out. Slowly, he pulled some blue out of his pocket, raising his head to stare at it. He pushed it along his fingers, holding it with care.

It was a story, but it was enough for him. It worked well enough.

He lay his head back against the wall. It wouldn’t all be fine _soon_ , but… but it would be eventually. Recovery was a long road, and while he’d never been given a chance, he was sure as hell making sure Tommy got one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter got much longer than I thought it would!! So now this is gonna be a four chapter fic, probably!!
> 
> We'll get to the real recovery soon, I promise!!


	4. It Was Worth It

Wilbur was sitting in the snow, in the late afternoon, watching the turtles from above. He smiled at them as they struggled to swim in the water, since it was flowing downwards. Some eggs still lay unhatched, but there were more turtles than eggs now.

“Is that one eating the wall?” Tommy shouted, laughing as half his chest lay off the edge of the grass.

Techno chuckled. “Yep, they do that. I checked one of their mouths once, and there was a little stone caught in there.”

Tommy burst out laughing, a proper laugh. Wilbur smiled, this was good. While Tommy was lying flat to his right, arms hooked over the edge, Techno was sitting cross-legged, like Wilbur was, to his left. It had been a couple days since they’d been reunited, and Techno had convinced Tommy to leave the house, since he’d pretty much stayed in bed.

The only way he coaxed him outside was with the offer of watching the turtles. It had brightened Tommy’s sullen mood tenfold.

And Tommy had taken to his new– old clothes well. His blue tunic and white trousers fitting nicely still. He wouldn’t stop swishing the shoulder cloak around too. There was joy to his step when it came to that outfit. Perhaps he was just glad to be out of his torn clothes, or perhaps it was because he was being welcomed into the warm embrace of being with his family again…

Those clothes had a long history. A familial history.

“I…” Tommy whispered, eyes still on the turtles. “I think I’m ready to talk.”

“Talk?” Techno asked, leaning forward.

“About… how I feel.”

Wilbur gently placed his hand at Tommy’s back. “That’s good. Would you like to go inside?”

Tommy shook his head. “No. Can we stay here?” He looked to them with stern eyes. “And no Phil. I’m… not ready to tell him.”

“Okay.” Wilbur rubbed at his back gently. “Say what you need to.”

“I know Dream wasn’t my friend.” He looked Wilbur right in the eye, smiling slightly. “I know.” He glanced back to the turtles, deflating a little. “He would explode my stuff, and… well, he would have taken everything from me eventually, right? If he wanted to keep me in my place…”

“Wait…” Wilbur whispered. “You think he would have blown up Logstedshire?”

“Eventually, probably. Maybe…” Tommy clenched his right fist. “Definitely.”

“Oh…”

“And I know he would have. I can’t believe I let him get to me.” Tommy pushed himself up, even if he was a little wobbly on his feet (they had been sitting down for a good hour now). “I can’t believe– Right, so, I wanted to… _die_ , because I thought… I thought nobody cared, because I thought Dream was my only friend but–” He looked both Wilbur and Techno in the eye. “He isn’t, he was _lying_ to me! And he has no idea where we are, he has no idea I’m with my family.” He stepped behind Techno, leaning forward to grab one of his hands. “Come on, get up, big man.”

Techno huffed a laugh, standing. “What are you thinking, Tommy?”

Tommy exploded with a laugh, grinning unlike… unlike anything Wilbur had seen. This wasn’t joy, it was revelation. “We fucking fight back. This isn’t about L’Manberg anymore,” He glanced to Wilbur, eyes boring into his soul, “is it?”

Wilbur shook his head. “No, L’Manberg is gone.”

“Exactly!” He laughed again, bright and… happy? “I’m still pissed off with all them, they didn’t visit me. But here you are! You both didn’t pity me, for fuck’s sake, Wilbur, you followed me even though you knew nothing!” He grinned. “Don’t you get it?”

Techno tilted his head. Wilbur raised his eyebrows.

“Dream can’t defeat _us_! Not now we’re on the same side, right?” His eyes darted between the both of them. “Because we weren’t in Pogtopia, you were both against me.”

“Against your ideas,” Techno cut in. “You wanted your government, you got it, look where it left you.” He shrugged. “Maybe I was a bit harsh telling you to die like a hero, but I was… angry.”

“I… wasn’t against you…” Wilbur whispered, standing up. “I wasn’t.”

Tommy stared blankly at him. “You blew up L’Manberg.”

“I wanted you on my side, I wanted you to see what I did.” Wilbur sighed, shaking his head. “L’Manberg was just a place, just a special place that’s _gone_. It was its people once but… not without us it’s not. We started L’Manberg in defiance of Sapnap, we declared independence in defiance of Dream.” He gestured harshly, at the world perhaps. “The reason we’re here is to take that green bastard down, isn’t it? You and me, Tommy.”

Techno swayed back and forth on his feet. “Dream hasn’t… done anything bad to _me_.”

Wilbur glared at him. “Are you with us? Are you with your _brothers_?”

Techno glanced away for a moment. “It’s only us four.”

Tommy barked a laugh. “Says the guy with enough stacks of scute to last us a lifetime.”

A twitch came to Techno’s lips then, a cruel grin grew, and he looked to Tommy, then Wilbur. “I’m with you. Tommy’s right, I have enough Turtle Master potions to last many fights.”

Wilbur pulled the blue from his pocket and chucked it on the ground. _All of it_. “Then that’s it. Our goal now is to take down Dream and never look back.” He smiled, his old self brewing within his dead heart. “How hard can it be?”

Tommy smiled brightly. “Maybe not as hard as we think. He has weaknesses.”

Techno smirked. “Exploiting people! Now we’re getting somewhere!”

“We’re the brothers that took back L’Manberg,” Wilbur said, pride welling in his eyes. He placed his hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “You got its independence.” He gripped Techno’s upper arm. “You destroyed it with me.” He smiled at them both. “We have fought Dream before, we’ve fought with him, but we’ve never been on _his_ side, just our own.”

“And L’Manberg’s side, for the first war,” Tommy said. “The original may be gone, but it’s still home, and don’t we _deserve_ to be there?”

Techno twisted his lips, as if he was trying to stop himself from smiling so cruelly. “I think we do, what do you think, Wilbur?”

Wilbur straightened up. “I think… we take out Dream and settle back in our true home.” He glanced to Tommy. “Maybe we’ll even get Tubbo back on side. He is one of us, after all.”

“He’s not our brother, though,” Techno cut in.

Tommy rubbed at his arm. “But he’s my best friend… and we have to save him from the responsibility of a nation.”

“Once we’re done with it…” Wilbur began, “it won’t be a nation, it’ll just be home.”

Tommy straightened up, cupping his hands behind his back like… like he was back in the original L’Manberg, in the Camarvan, going over strategies. “As it should be.”

“As it should have _been_ ,” Wilbur continued with a grin, and Tommy beamed right back at him.

There was a pause, a silence that brewed between them before Techno huffed a laugh, stepping back. Wilbur tilted his head at him, squinting. What smart remark was he going to spout now?

“You know,” Techno said, “that was easy. All Tommy had to do was come to the conclusion that Dream was never a friend, and would have done far worse to him, and now he’s back to normal!”

Tommy laughed. “Yeah, well, I’m easy to please.”

Wilbur grinned, crouching down to scoup up some snow. “We’re a family of two halves.” He cradled the snow in his hands as he stood. “We’re easy to snap, and we’re easy to put back together. It’s the rage within us, our long slow burning fuses.”

“If you say long slow burning fuse one more time, I’ll–”

Techno swiftly got cut off as Wilbur had very casually chucked the snow right in his face. For a second, nothing but an angry and disappointed Techno stared back at him, until…

“Snowball fight!” Tommy yelled, picking up some snow and throwing it at Techno as well. Yet, it landed on his shoulder rather than his face.

Techno lowkey growled, ducking down for some snow.

Wilbur went running, sliding along the ground till he was hidden behind a grass block. Swiftly, he made a small cover with the limited wood he had and got to creating a stack of snowballs. He could hear Tommy and Techno yelling in the background. He chuckled to himself. They used to do this all the time when they were younger.

They never went easy on small Tommy either.

It was always pandemonium, when they decided to fight with snowballs. Phil had often laughed quietly, shaking his head at them whenever they got lost in their fights. He always thought it was silly that children of the empire, especially Techno, would want to do something so _fun_.

They were bathed in blood by rite. Techno may have had an affinity for blood and death, but that wasn’t to say Wilbur and Tommy _didn’t_. Stealing shit was their forte, but Tommy was known for ‘stabbing shit’, and Wilbur… he knew how to kill if he could be bothered to.

His vow of no armour, however, extended to his rebellion as a teenager. He always found it too heavy and too warm, and he was too free for that, too alive. Those were the days where he hung up his sword and began to concentrate on music instead.

He peeked over his cover and grinned, chucking his snowball right into Tommy’s face. He’d always been good with his aiming when he actually tried. Tommy yelled out and a snowball soon came barrelling right towards Wilbur’s cover. He ducked down, laughing his head off as it went way over the top, off by a long shot.

He glanced around the edge, watching as Techno dodged a snowball, only to throw one right at Tommy, which hit him square in the chest. With a laugh and a wheeze, Tommy went at him, dashing behind Techno’s back. Before Techno had any time to react, Tommy jumped up, looping his arms around Techno’s neck, yelling loudly and brightly as Techno tried to shake him off.

With a chuckle bubbling up from his throat, Wilbur ducked out from his cover, running towards them. He didn’t stop, however, barrelling right into them as they became distracted by each other. They all went tumbling to the ground, all tangled up together, limbs trapped underneath backs, and looping in awkward places.

Tommy yelled, Techno half screamed, and Wilbur was laughing his head off. Soon his laughter spread, and they were all lying there, completely twisted, laughing their heads off. For a second, Wilbur thought it was never going to stop as they all struggled to breathe from their constant laughing… but, it soon died down, and they were left their breathing heavily (well Tommy and Techno were, Wilbur was merely simulating it).

“You kids never change!” Phil shouted, and Wilbur lifted his head to see their dad on the balcony, brow furrowed, shaking his head, and _fuck_ …

This was the old days, surely. If he closed his eyes, the snow felt like home, like the _empire_.

But as he opened them, Tommy was pushing at them to wiggle out of the tangle, and he was sixteen, not a tiny kid anymore, and this wasn’t home, just a temporary place to stay, to prepare. Or at least temporary for Wilbur. This was Techno’s house after all.

Wilbur stood, brushing himself down. Sometimes he wondered why he had to be so tangible, if he wasn’t, he could just float up into the sky and relax. “Phil never liked us playing.”

Techno placed his hands behind his head, looking as if he wasn’t going to move an inch. “Because we were child soldiers playing with snowballs, why do you think he didn’t like us playing?”

Wilbur rolled his eyes. “Again, reasons why we’re messed up.”

Tommy shrugged as he adjusted his cloak, standing off to the side. “I like being messed up, it’s what makes us defiant.”

“Sure,” Techno said quickly, “because you’re so healthy.”

Tommy stuck his tongue out at him.

Techno sighed and closed his eyes. “If I can’t see him, he can’t provoke me.”

Wilbur laughed, yeah, this was what they were missing, wasn’t it? In Pogtopia. They didn’t have this there. Too focused on the rebellion, on destruction, on getting something back, on eventual war… Now it was just… time to recover until they were ready.

As a family.

Wilbur looped his arm around Tommy’s shoulder. “Why don’t we go inside and raid Techno’s chests?”

“EH?!” Techno uttered, bolting up. “No!”

Tommy grinned. “Whoever’s fastest doesn’t get beaten up!”

With a quick glance at each other, Wilbur and Tommy went off running.

“No! You both get back here!” Techno yelled, which had him and Tommy in giggles as they sprinted to his cabin, skidding around the corner into his chest room.

Tommy stuck to the left side while Wilbur dove for the right, flicking open a chest as quickly as possible. And what did he find? The gunpowder chest, one of the most valuable items for war. Not shiny, or entirely valuable in peace times, but it meant a lot to Techno, and he always needed an abundance of it.

He glanced over to Tommy, who was bundling potions into his arms.

Wilbur laughed, holding up a pickaxe. “Going down?”

Techno nearly ripped the door off its hinges as he flung it open. Wilbur gasped and Tommy screamed. There was a moment of staring before Wilbur dug down and Tommy jumped in after him, covering up the hole with dirt. Techno growled from above and Wilbur collapsed to the floor, gunpowder going all over him, laughing again. Fucking hell, _he_ needed this, just as much as Tommy did.

The block by the ladders broke, and Techno was suddenly peeking through, half upside down. “Give me back my stuff!”

Tommy laughed and carefully put the potions down. “It’s just a game, Tech!”

“A game I have lost many times, and I swore never again!”

Wilbur burst out laughing all over again, the gunpowder sliding off his body onto the floor. He raised his head a little, staring into Techno’s upside down eyes. “Shows how good you are!”

Techno rolled his eyes. “I’ll learn how to steal!”

Wilbur chuckled more so, sitting up now. “Okay! Because that went _so_ well last time.”

“Alright I’m coming down there.”

Tommy ducked down, throwing a potion over to Wilbur. He caught it, checking the label. _Oh_. Clever. Tommy had grabbed one too, and at the same time, they drank – just as Techno clambered down the ladders. As he turned to them, Wilbur couldn’t help but smile.

“I hate you both,” he deadpanned, glancing around the room. “This is why I denounce you two as my brothers.”

Wilbur covered his mouth to keep himself from laughing as he sunk down by Hubert. Invisibility potions. Tommy was a genius. Except for the fact that Techno had _brilliant_ sight, just as Wilbur did, and it was perfect for seeing particles.

The next thing he knew, Techno had grabbed something, holding his arm up, and Tommy was screaming.

“Got you,” Techno said, grinning.

Tommy yelled out. “Get off me!”

“Oh for…” came Phil’s voice, from where he was now standing by the stairs, arms crossed. Oh no… That was never good. “Just stop it, you chaotic demons…!”

Techno sighed, clearly putting Tommy down. “They stole my stuff and went invisible, Phil.”

“Hey, _tattletale_!” Wilbur called out. “Stop being dad’s favourite for one second!”

Techno whirled on him, breathing in with frustration and wild eyes. “Wilbur, _shut up_.”

Wilbur grinned at him, even though he couldn’t see it. “ _Never_.”

“Here!” Tommy called out, and soon a bucket was flying towards him. Wilbur jumped up to catch it, and glugged the milk inside. Within the next second both he and Tommy were fully visible again.

Phil dropped his arms, his judgemental expression still clear. “You’re all… so childish sometimes. It’s like we never left the empire.”

Techno’s eyes went all distant and his shoulders slumped. “I wish it was, but this is nothing like the empire. Wilbur’s _dead_.”

Wilbur curled his arms around himself. “Please stop saying it like that.”

Techno furrowed his brow, like he hadn’t noticed. “Like what?”

“Like… it’s a bad thing.”

“Wilbur–” Tommy began to say, hand reaching for him, but Wilbur shook his head violently and shrunk into himself further.

“I’m better off dead. You see, I’ve learnt a lot.” He smiled sadly. “And everyone’s happier for it.”

“I’m not happier,” Tommy and Techno said at once, glancing to each other with wide eyes before they both looked back to Wilbur.

Wilbur glanced to the ground, eyes flicking up to Phil a second later. He stared, for a moment, just looking at his dad. “Are you happier?”

Phil blinked violently and jolted, back hitting off the wall. “ _Will_ , of course I’m not.” He swallowed thickly, looking at Wilbur with pain in his eyes. “Are you happier though, as a ghost, truly? Be honest with me, son. You keep saying you’re better off dead, but are you _happier_?”

Wilbur clenched his jaw slightly, shaking his head slowly. “No.”

“Well, this is fucked,” Tommy said with a much too jovial tone. “We’re all just fucked in our ‘eads.”

Phil’s shoulders slumped. “We all need a long recovery.”

Tommy glanced down at the floor, his recovery was going to be a truly long road. He may have shown progress today, but it was still a long way off from _true_ recovery. Techno was… just Techno, he was constantly just… And Phil had killed one of his sons, that must have been fucking with him. And… and… Wilbur was… he was _dead_ , but he had repressed his memories in death, he had… Ghostbur was a trauma response.

They all had a long path ahead.

“Come on,” Phil said softly. “Let’s go upstairs and have a nice warm drink with a jar of honey.”

Techno breathed out slowly. “Yeah I could do with some of that right now.”

“Me too,” Tommy said quietly.

Wilbur moved towards Phil, smiling gently. “I would love some honey.”

Phil smiled, the light barely in his eyes. “You kids go up the ladders first, I’ll follow on behind.”

“Okay,” Wilbur said, climbing up first. Then Tommy came up, then Techno. All the way up to the fireplace and the now multiple beds that were on this floor (Techno was still sleeping the attic, however).

As Phil climbed up, he looked tired and broken. Wilbur could understand why, a lot of guilt lay within him. Perhaps he even thought he had failed them all completely. But a lot of it was on themselves. That had always been the rule. Phil would let them do what they wanted, and the consequences would come for them…

Phil trudged over to the stove and opened up a chest. Meanwhile, Wilbur placed down a table and chairs, and the three of them sat, all staring at Phil. He pulled some cocoa beans out of the chest, pouring them, along with some water, into the pot over the fire.

Techno huffed. “I forgot those were there.”

Phil chuckled slightly. “You were supposed to start a farm with these.”

He shrugged in reply, before sniffing, pursing his lips. “I gave up on using cookies for the composter at the same time I gave up on the idea of a carrot farm.”

“Of course you did.”

“You were going to build a farm?” Tommy asked, sitting back in his seat.

“I was, but there’s no point with the villagers.”

“Hmm. A farm would be fun.”

Wilbur choked on a fake breath he’d been taking. “ _What_? You, farming? Did I die and go to heaven?”

“Don’t joke about that!” Phil called, tossing an unimpressed look over shoulder.

Wilbur merely smiled and turned to Tommy with his eyebrows raised.

Tommy folded his arms. “I _had_ a farm, back at me ‘ome.”

“That is true,” Techno said. “I’ve seen it.”

Tommy gestured to Techno with a ‘See?’ expression across his face.

Wilbur sat back in his chair. “Fair. I forgot about that. Still, you never contributed in L’Manberg, or Pogtopia.”

“Pogtopia had Techno’s farm, and we never had any food growing in L’Manberg, what’s your point?” Tommy asked, head tilted.

“My point is you could have made a farm in L’Manberg. It could have been the _one_ thing you built before the war.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay, Mr ‘I’ll build walls to keep us safe’.”

“Please… don’t fight,” Techno said, rubbing at his temples. “I don’t think I can take one of your revolutionary arguments right now.”

Wilbur glanced out the window beside them. “Sorry. It just… I miss it, they were the good days.”

“ _Those_ were good days?” Techno asked, sounding absolutely shocked.

“Yeah…” He closed his eyes, the memories flooding him. “The drug van was _so_ lovely, Tech, you would have loved all the materials we had for potions. And… I had this pink bed I used to sleep in, in the back room. I used to take Fundy in there and tuck him between my body and the wall to keep him safe when he was young.” He smiled, fondness touching his dead heart. “The walls… they were so simple at first, but Eret made them into something so much better, made them _ours_. Then there was Tommy and Tubbo running around, and we were so free.” He opened his eyes, staring at the snow, imaging it was podzol and grass instead. “The unsullied ground, the first idea for the melody of our anthem. _Fundy growing up_. God, Tech, he used to come into the van when I was cooking up drugs and show me flower crowns he’d been making with Eret. And…” He smiled more so now, closing his eyes again, bowing his head. “And… Fundy… God, I didn’t want him to fight, but he made a suit and coloured it with crayons and I just… he was my little champion back then. He kept me going in those short days before the war. Of _course_ they were the good days. They made life _worth_ it.”

“They sound… strangely nice,” Techno said slowly.

Wilbur opened his eyes. “They were… they really, really were.”

Techno fiddled with his hands, eyes distant. “No wonder you wanted it back… at first.”

Tommy sighed, all energy seemed to have left him once again. “It was our _life_ for a long while.” He bounced his leg in quick succession, eyeing Wilbur, smiling. “I remember Fundy growing up, as quickly as he did. He was so… innocent in those days, before the– the… the… the f– _f_ …”

Wilbur leant over, placing his hand on Tommy’s forearm, shaking his head. “You don’t have to say its name. I know what you mean.”

Tommy’s lips quivered. “That room changed everything.”

He leant back, nodding slowly. “I still miss the Eret from before that moment.”

“Me too… me too.”

Phil stopped stirring his concoction for a moment, turning to them. “Is that what started it all, your trust issues, Wilbur?”

Wilbur shook his head. “Not until after, after the fight. When Dream told me he was king, I refused to see him as anything other than a power craving _traitor_.” He looked Phil in the eye. “I still see him that way.” He sighed. “Ever since, I’ve found trusting hard, especially after the exile.”

“But you let Eret fight with us,” Techno pointed out. “During the rebellion.”

Wilbur shrugged. “Why did it matter then? I already knew what I was going to do, it _didn’t_ matter.”

Tommy tapped his fingers off the table. “I should have known then. You never would have let Eret in if you still really cared about L’Manberg.”

“Oh, I did care, that’s why I blew it up.”

Tommy glared at him, eyes dark, jaw clenched.

Wilbur sighed, glancing out the window again. “It was gone the moment we lost power. The second the walls came down. The minute Tubbo and Fundy decided to stay. It was _gone_ , I couldn’t let it continue. You know that as much as I do now.”

“Yeah…” Tommy sighed out. “Because you never would have bowed down to Dream, or let L’Manberg run itself into the ground by forgetting its ideals…”

“ _Exactly_.”

“Will you boys stop being so angsty?” Phil said, placing a cup of hot chocolate down by Techno and Tommy.

“No can do, not until we recover,” Wilbur said with a smile.

Phil rolled his eyes, filling up another couple of mugs from the pot. He placed one by Wilbur, and another by the empty seat, before retrieving jars of honey for them all. Once they were settled, with their hot chocolates and their honey, silence fell over them like a warm blanket.

Wilbur stared at Phil for a moment, as he was mixing honey into his hot chocolate like the dad he was. There was a sadness to him, to his eyes, but a peace to his posture. Perhaps it was because they were all together, so he knew they were safe now. That Tommy wasn’t going to die, that Techno had people around him in case anyone came for his blood, that Wilbur was still on this plane of existence, perhaps?

“Dad… what is the plan to make us better?” Wilbur asked quietly, like he was young again.

Phil looked to him quite suddenly (no doubt because he actually called him dad). He thinned his lips and nodded to himself. “I think a farm sounds good. It’ll help keep you all busy from day to day, especially while building it.” He glanced to Techno. “You could get more bees to put around it so they can fertilise the crops. And maybe we can build that cocoa farm for the cookies.”

Tommy grinned with glee. “ _Ohh_ , we’ll make so much compost!”

Phil smiled. “Yes, Tommy. It will help you recover by having something to do, but most of all, we need to talk more. We need to communicate at all times.” He looked to each one of them carefully. “If you are feeling down, we’ll bring everyone together and talk it through.” He glanced to Tommy, eyes alight. “Especially you, Tommy. I’m worried about you the most.”

Tommy nodded slightly. “Yeah, I will, I will.”

“Now come on,” Phil smiled softly at them, “finish up your hot chocolates and honey. You all need a good rest.”

Techno nodded, eyes looking as if they were enticed by the idea of sleep. “We do.”

Wilbur smiled, his family may not have been whole, but they were here – all save for Fundy, but he’d get him with them one day. After their talk, perhaps. For now, all he needed was to be with his family, and they all needed the same. They were safe here, they could recover here, and when the time came, they could go after Dream and win. Nothing else mattered but that, just them staying alive and sane.

He tapped the side of his cup a couple times before picking it up and downing it. He took the jar of honey into his hands and smiled at his family. “I’ll be back. I’m just going to pop outside.”

“Okay,” Phil said gently, smiling.

Wilbur got up and stepped outside, wishing he could breathe in the fresh cold air, but he couldn’t, unfortunately… He sat down on the steps, cradling the honey jar in his hands. He looked up at the sky, night had fallen in all their bickering and sullenness and hopefulness. But the sky itself wasn’t what he was interested in, or even the stars, no, it was the moon he was staring at.

_“Dad… it’s late… shouldn’t I be in bed?”_

_“I just, hm, I want to show you something, Fundy.”_

_Fundy rubbed his eyes. “What?”_

_“See the moon there?”_

_“Yes…”_

_“If war comes one day, or if anything bad happens to me, just know that whenever you’re looking up at the moon, no matter where I am, I’ll be looking at the moon too, and we’ll be connected. As father and son.”_

_“Dad, that makes no sense.”_

_“Just something to keep in mind, my darling boy.” Wilbur ruffled his hair, smiling. “Now, come on, it’s time for bed.”_

_As Wilbur headed inside, Fundy stared up at the moon for a second. He smiled, staring at his son. He was so innocent, so young. After a moment passed, Fundy turned and followed Wilbur inside._

Every time, every single time he stared up at the moon he thought of that moment. Even as Ghostbur. And he hoped, wherever Fundy was right now, that he was staring right up at it as well, thinking of him. Which was incredibly unlikely, but Wilbur could hope.

“Fundy…” he whispered, “you’re the last piece of this puzzle.” He smiled. The moon was especially bright tonight. “I hope you’re looking, my son.”

And no matter if he was or wasn’t, Wilbur felt connected to his son, and that was all that mattered in the moment. One day… one day they would have their talk, and everything would be alright again… One day.

He stood and headed back inside, smiling at Tommy laughing, Techno rolling his eyes with a fond smile, and Phil looking relaxed and happy.

Making him remember was quite possibly the best thing Tommy had ever done for their clusterfuck of a family.

And it was fucking _worth_ it, for them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking around and reading!!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed :)!


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